If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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