Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize