the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
