I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
