This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
