I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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