Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
