So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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