I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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