He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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