Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
