If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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