last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You made out with two different species that night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
