Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
