Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
