So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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