i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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