You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
