talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize