Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
