Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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