i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
