Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
