I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
