once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
