toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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