***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
one two three fourrrrnication!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
