i would punch a child for taco bell
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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