Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
