My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
