He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
