I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
