Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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