remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize