Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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