Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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