why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
