I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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