oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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