Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have aggressive nipples.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
