he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No subtext here. People are naked.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I had to cum in my sink.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize