we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
