I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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