Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
