I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
