This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
