Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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