none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My first STD was from a foam party
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
