Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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