Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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