Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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