Please, let me fuck your mom
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
