my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
