Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
