A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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