I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
