i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
