operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
