If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
