Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize