he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
