HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
