Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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