wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
