I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
