oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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