she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i love accidental penises.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
