I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
