I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
