Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
