Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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