Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
