Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's shark week go big or go home
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
