Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize