Please, let me fuck your mom
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
