I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
