Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
